Memories, Both New and Old
by Melancholem
Summary: The anniversary of the Holy Roman Empire's disappearance comes, and Italy goes back to the meadow where they parted. But who's the stranger who seems so familiar? Please read and review - more detailed summary inside!
1. First Encounter

(A/N) First Hetalia fic of the New Year, and it's...depressing...well, to me it is.

Before we start, I'd like you to know that I _do _support the 'Germany is HRE' theory, but the one where he _isn't_ fascinates me. Like, what would poor Feliciano do if HRE came back and he was already in love with Ludwig?

It might actually be multi-chaptered if there's enough demand for it. That probably won't end up happening, but eh, you never know.

Katine, Zander, Marcos, Felicita, Maire, Gregori, Olivia, and EstCan/SwissViet children all say hello!

EDIT: Will be continuing this. Also, uh...it was an accident...I was listening to 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved' by The Script and my mind rebelled against me. It was sweet, but I squashed it.

And then it bit me.

Hard.

So anyways, look out for me, and thanks for your kind reviews!~

---

_Maybe…someday…he'll come back._

_But what would I do if he did?_

_---_

I looked out at the meadow, feeling my heart contract at the memories flooding back into my unwilling mind. It was here that my love had left me, all those years ago – it was here that he promised his return.

I hadn't ever seen him again.

This trip back to the meadow wasn't supposed to happen – in fact, I was supposed to be at training with Kiku and Ludwig. Today was…different, though, seeing as today was the anniversary of the day that the Holy Roman Empire had left me for good.

I shook my head slightly at the same thought I had harbored since then – maybe, he wasn't dead. Maybe he would remember me after all of these years and come back to the place we promised to meet. It was a silly thought, and I mentally chided myself.

A tear slipped down my cheek. I brushed it away.

"Ve…"

My voice carried surprisingly well across this expanse of grass. Despite the situation, I marveled at this fact.

"You – you're not coming back, are you?"

Another tear traced a thick trail down my face, and then another. I wiped at my face with my sleeve.

The silence in this clearing was overwhelming, making me feel short-of-breath. My shoulders hitched in a sob as I sank to my knees onto the grass.

"B-but you promised – I always believed you! You told me you would come back to me!"

A hand touched my shoulder. I flinched and turned around, expecting an angry Ludwig wondering why I wasn't at training.

My eyes met a pair of startled, unfamiliar baby blues.

"Um…I'm really sorry. Are you alright?" the owner of the eyes asked, running a hand through his blonde hair as he gave me a sheepish smile. I hadn't ever seen this person before, but he seemed kind enough. I attempted to stop crying.

"Ve…I-I'm fine…it's just that t-today holds a lot of m-memories for me." I sniffled weakly and looked away, not expecting the stranger's next remark at all.

"Ahh, me too. There was…a girl I loved, and I left her here a long time ago. I don't think she'd remember me if she saw me, but…" He trailed off, then looked at me, a bit flustered. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to dump my history on you like that."

"No, it's fine." I gave him my best grin. "Something like that happened to me too…someone very important to me left for good, and then I heard that he was dead. I don't believe that though – he was too smart to die."

We sat in silence for a moment, watching the clouds go by.

"I guess this meadow isn't the best place for love," my companion joked, leaning back onto the grass and turning his head toward me. Something about him seemed so familiar to me, even though I didn't think I'd ever met him.

I 've'-d quietly and looked up at the sky again. Today was turning out to be weird, that was for sure.

After a moment, I noticed my companion staring at me. "How long ago did your friend leave you?" he asked, pushing up onto his elbows and giving me an odd look. I blinked, mulling it over.

"Um…it was a really long time ago…I remember the day, but the year-"

He cut me off. "Is your name – or, uh…I know this will sound weird, but did you ever work under a Roderich Eidelstein?"

I flinched a little. "Y-yes…you know him?"

He nodded, refusing to make eye contact. I noticed a slight blush creeping over his features. "And – the person who left you was about your age?"

"So – you know the Holy Roman Empire too?" I couldn't believe it. No one besides Austria, France and I seemed to remember him anymore, although sometimes Prussia would reminisce about when he taught Holy Roman about sword-fighting.

He looked almost alarmed at this. "I…" Mumbling something I couldn't catch, he abruptly turned his head the other way.

"-are you Italia?"

I blinked.

"Ve~?"

He turned back to me, face burning with shame. "I…I just couldn't help but think…if it was the Holy Roman Empire you lost, you must be Italia. I…" He didn't seem able to keep talking, instead choosing to look away. I could swear I saw tears shining in his eyes.

And then it hit me. He knew Roderich, he knew Holy Roman, and he knew my name…

"You're Holy Roman," I gasped, hands flying to my throat in shock. "You – you have to be! Aren't you? _Il mio dio_, I can't believe it…"

He turned back to me, eyes now sparking. "You – you remember? Italia, I'm so sorry, oh God, I tried to come back but-"

I tackled him to the ground in a hug, breathing in the faintly familiar smell of dust and linen and soap. "I missed you so, so much," I told him, my tears wetting the dark fabric of his coat. "I promised you I'd wait for you and now-"

His shoulders hitched. "I thought you'd given up. I was sure we'd never see each other again. It was selfish of me to try and make you remember, to ask you to wait for so long."

I shook my head, wishing my skinny arms were strong enough to pull him still closer. "I don't mind it. It wasn't selfish."

We locked eyes again, blue meeting brown in a sort of mutual agreement as he kissed me gently. "I'm so glad you're still here."

Part of my mind screamed its protest as I looked into his eyes. _What about Ludwig? _it asked, making tears spring to my own eyes. _You loved Holy Roman Empire then, but you know you love Ludwig now. This is wrong, push him away, go to training and live your life in the present-_

I pressed my face into his shoulder just a bit harder, hoping the scratchy fabric would bring me back to reality. My mind was in turmoil at this new development, and all I could do was hope for the best.

That night, going back to Germany's house, I slept in his bed as usual and wondered what I would do about all of this mess. I ended up crying myself to sleep, my conscience beating down on every thought.

_Holy Roman Empire or Germany? Old loves or new romance?_

_Either way I'm wrong._

That night, I dreamt of the old days.

I woke up in tears and couldn't explain why to Ludwig. His expression of concern made everything that much worse.

Holy Roman Empire was back, and he had brought my world down with him.

---

(A/N) Please...don't shoot me.

I'm really sorry. I am I am.

*ducks and covers* Protect me, Russia!

Anyway, please do tell me what you thought of it. I'd love some feedback!

Elena Hitachiin, over and out!


	2. Don't Surrender

(A/N) I told you I'd be back! Haha...eleven reviews for a fic like this one...that makes me happy and kind of depressed at the same time...

Anyway, I still don't support the 'Germany and HRE are two seperate people' idea, but I like writing from this angle too. I've also got to apologize for my writing's crappy quality...this time, I listened to Lady Gaga's 'So Happy I Could Die' and Green Day's 'Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)' and got this.

I've had the idea for the flashback since the first semester of school, though. The flashback predates this fic...OTL

Sorry it's shorter, sorry sorry! At least I didn't include the Gilbert/Lovino crack child, Zander, in this...but if you want me to add him in somewhere I'll do it...

Feedback is appreciated. No - feedback is, like, the best stuff ever. It's like a special blend of crack for writers like myself. If you criticize it, I welcome that with open arms and a tissue box...but although it does help me, it depresses me, which keeps me out of the typing program until I've got some positives about it.

But enough yapping from me. Enjoy!

---

"I'm going to visit _mio fratello_, Ludwig," I called into the house, slipping on my shoes and stepping onto the porch. There was a vague noise of affirmation from inside, so I closed the door behind me and walked to the car.

_Maybe Lovino can help me figure some of this out._

It was about a ten-minute drive to his place, and I spent the entire ride in complete silence. There was no need to turn on the radio – my thoughts were absolutely deafening. Holy Roman…I'd always hoped he would come back, but I hadn't ever planned what I would do if he _did_.

When I arrived, Lovino was out in the yard. He turned when he heard me pull up in the driveway, and made a noise of playful disgust. "Eww. It's the kraut bastard's illicit lover."

"Ve~ It isn't like you're not, _fratello_," I replied, biting my lip at his words. Germany…was I really in love with him anymore? "You and Gilbert seem pretty close."

He said something in return, but I couldn't focus anymore. All I could think about was yesterday, and the best way to tell Lovino about it.

I went for the blunt approach. "Do you remember anything about the Holy Roman Empire from when we were kids?" I asked, and he turned away with a 'Tch.'

"Unfortunately. Wasn't he the awkward blond kid who wanted you to be part of his nation?" There was a pause before he spoke again. "Why'd you-"

"He's back."

Lovino slowly turned to face me, horror clearly evident on his features. "_Il dio mio_, Feliciano. You're kidding."

I shook my head, trying my best not to burst into tears. "It – I'm kind of…ve…messed up about it…wh-what do you think I should do?"

He shook his head. "Let's go inside, _fratello_." Eyes clouded over with thought, he led the way to the cramped kitchen and plopped down at the weather-beaten oak table. I followed behind him, taking the other seat across from him.

"Do you remember the night he left?" he pressed, waving a hand in front of my face. "Hey, Feli, listen to me."

"I'm listening," I said honestly, wiping at an errant tear going down my cheek. "No…I only remember _when _he left, not what happened after."

Lovino swore under his breath. "So of course you'd be feeling like this. Damnit, _fratello_, you've got the worst memory known to man."

He looked down at the floor, face appearing troubled. "Look, I _do_ remember, and it's not really important, but – Holy Roman Empire coming back isn't good at all. Stay with the kraut bastard. Trust me on this one."

_Wh…Lovino just said something in Doitsu's favor?_

"Will you tell me what happened?"

He looked me dead in the eyes. "No."

Before I could protest, he continued, voice small and sad. "It'd be the same as last time, Feli, and I absolutely hated seeing you with a broken heart."

---

"_Holy Roman Empire is dead."_

_Feliciano ran through the house on unsteady legs, choking back sobs. Holy Roman had left for war, and now he was dead. He wasn't coming back. There was no use waiting anymore…_

_Skidding around a corner, Feliciano bumped into someone else, sending both the other and their laundry flying one way and him flying the other. A muffled curse came from the laundry heap._

"…_damnit…"_

"_Lovino!" Scooting over to where his brother lay, Feliciano helped dig him out. A familiar face, thank God. "Lovino, I-I need to ask you a question."_

_His brother shot him a look as he dusted himself off. "Yeah, shoot."_

"_H…" Feliciano faltered, looking down at the ground and hating the violent sobs that shook his shoulders. "How many bandages does it take to patch up a broken heart?"_

_Lovino stood still before it dawned on him. "Oh, fratello…he didn't…" Looking surprisingly fierce for such a young child, he wrapped his brother in a bone-crushing hug._

"_Oh my God, Feliciano."_

_Feliciano kept crying, allowing Lovino to rock them both back and forth. "I…I k-know…"_

_That night, Austria gave the two of them a once-over – Feliciano red-eyed and puffy from tears, Lovino in full on protective-brother mode – and decided they were exempt from chores for then._

---

I reached home around ten - Lovino and I had ended up in the garden after our talk, and then Gilbert had come home. I couldn't help but feel like a third wheel when the pair started being romantic, so I had politely excused myself and went home.

"Today...ve, it didn't help at all. Ugh..." I slipped my shoes off and laid them neatly by the door before going upstairs, shedding my jacket on the way. "Maybe I can work some of this out tomorrow..."

Looking out the window, I noticed a white slip of paper on the outside windowsill and went to investigate. "Did Doitsu leave this...?"

Of course not.

Of course it would be from Holy Roman Empire.

I reached to pick it up, almost annoyed by the way my hand was shaking. _He's back, Feliciano,_ I told myself stubbornly. _Accept it, and we'll deal with it, okay? Everything's a mess, but...we've got to prove that Italy isn't weak, right? We won't - we **can't **surrender..._

The note was simple. _Meet me in the meadow tomorrow. I want to talk to you again. -HRE_

Hating the tears that trickled down my cheeks, I nodded.

"Ve...I'll be there."

_I'm not giving in._

---

(A/N) OTL OTL

P...please be gentle with your reviewing, alright? *cries manry tears*

I'll update as soon as I've got a muse to work with!


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